More about ADHD

Here is a fantastic episode from CBC's "The Nature of Things" with David Suzuki. It's primarily about Adult ADHD but explains what ADHD is, discusses the impact of ADHD and treatments such as therapy, medication, life coaching and new methods for creating neurons (much like what our son did through the Arrowsmith).

It's a lengthy watch but if you are interested in learning about ADHD, or are just curious about the condition, then it's well worth it. Our son sees Dr. Hoffer for treatment so it was interesting to see him as one of the featured Dr.s being interviewed for this episode!!

Click HERE to watch the video.

What is ADHD?

I had an interesting conversation with a dear friend’s mother the other day about ADHD and I realized that there is still a lot of mystery about ADHD, what it is and how it is diagnosed. It seems like all you hear about is ADHD and everyone is getting diagnosed with ADHD. Is ADHD just an excuse for bad parenting? Are we just letting our kids run amok and then labelling them as ADHD? Maybe.

**I should note at this point that I am NOT a medical professional and any opinions voiced in this blog are just that, my opinions. I have no medical training and base my knowledge on my own research and our family’s experiences. If you question whether your own child has ADHD, you should seek medical advice from your GP or pediatrician.**

I too, read articles titled “14 Signs of ADHD” and think that these just sound like busy children. Then I reflect on our own experience. It’s hard to explain other than parental instinct. But you watch your child, among their peers, and there is something different. You child is louder, busier, angrier, whinier, messier, more forgetful, more destructive, more energetic, sillier than the others. All. The. Time. It may be subtle, but the inkling is there. Our son was not diagnosed until grade 4 so he was still only 8 years old. We knew that our son was having difficulty academically. His learning disabilities were the focus of everyone’s energies. However, his ADHD was also getting in the way of his progress.

I also hear arguments about how the school environment is not conducive to children’s natural personalities and therefore we just label kids as having ADHD. I tend to agree somewhat. I think early childhood education is too restrictive, classrooms are too big and that 3 and 4-year old’s do not need to be in institutional care 5 days a week. In Ontario we run play based kindergarten programs. Unfortunately, we also have class sizes of up to 30 children in rooms designed for 20, utilizing a program that was designed for class sizes of 18. So, while I do have some exceptions to the educational system and gaps in teacher training in general, most children can adapt. Perhaps not willingly, but most kids tend to settle into routine and begin to flourish in our education system such as it is. Our son did not. In fact, he got worse. His emotional outbursts were getting him teased and bullied at school, he couldn’t read, he couldn’t remember how to write his last name. When tested, his reading and writing were immeasurable, and he couldn’t follow 2 step instructions without forgetting at least one of the steps if not both of them.

ADHD does not just speak about busy, rough and tumble children. Or the day-dreamy child who must be called back to the task at hand. It’s when the rough and tumble, busy, day dreaming starts to get in the way. It gets in the way of friends. It gets in the way at home. It gets in the way at school. It’s after using calendars and routines and check lists and they still forget to brush their teeth AND get their P.J.s on. It’s after losing endless numbers of hats and mitts and scarves (not just one or two sets but literally a set a week). It’s after getting another phone call home about being hands on at school again. It’s about hearing the announcement for sports try outs in the morning but forgetting to go at lunch. It’s about getting so frustrated that everything is so hard everyday that you can do nothing else but meltdown and hide behind the bushes on the school yard.

This is ADHD.

It's the little things: Top Secret

So...we have some very exciting news!!  It looks like Ryan will be joining his typical class for Science very soon!!  We'll know for sure when by the end of the week.  This is the most amazing news!  The more typical classes that Ryan returns to, means the more his brain is developing and can begin to handle a typical school workload.  Apparently his math skills are really taking off (Ryan has always had more strength in Math) and his teachers think he might be able to handle the science curriculum.  He will still have some accommodating for his writing and reading but this is truly exciting news.

Ryan also mastered another level in his tracing.  That's 2 levels in 2 weeks!  Apparently a new world record.  So after some initial struggle and frustration, it seems like things are falling into place.  We had a huge discussion about short term "pain" and longer term "gain".  I was glad to have some concrete examples relevant to his world.  All of this great news has renewed Ryan's motivation to stay in homework club and work really diligently at his program.  It's been tricky for the past couple of weeks - this was some much needed good news!!

Happy Thursday!

How Timely...

This is an interesting article that came at an interesting time.  Just this week, I was trying to figure out ways to help DS better deal with frustration and set backs.  This article helped explain that he most likely has a lower tolerance for frustration.  It makes sense for our situation and helps with our empathy towards Ryan's outbursts.  They don't tend to happen often, but when they do they are VERY big!  What I have to watch out for is the difference between empathy and pity.  It's not helpful for Ryan to have people in his life who feel sorry for him.  I can empathize with his frustration but I can't enable him from getting out of things he has to do.  This whole process is to help him be a happy, independent and productive member of society.  His future boss isn't going to let him miss deadlines because "he's had a bad day."  I recognize that he's only nine but at the same time he IS nine and I have to let go a little bit to allow for maturity...sigh...this is difficult stuff.

This article was a great read.  I hope it brings you some insight as well.  Cheers!

http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/executive-function-disorders/executive-dysfunction-behavior-problems

Teaching Resiliency

Ryan had another tough couple of days this week.  I’m struggling constantly with the notion that we made the wrong choice.  The rational side of me knows that the program works.  Going through the Arrowsmith program will help Ryan in so many ways.  Part of the problem is, is that I can’t go through this with him.  He has to go through this alone and it breaks my heart.  I’ve always been able to be his buffer when his emotions get the best of him.  I've had access to his day and can help him calm down.  Ryan’s emotions are getting the best of him at his new school and he feels very much alone.  He doesn’t really know his teachers yet (it’s only been 4 weeks), nor does he have any real bonds with his classmates.  There is no “quiet room”, like at his previous school and his teachers have very specific expectations of behaviour.  Ryan’s previous school was very tolerant of his emotional difficulties.  Ryan isn’t a behavioural “problem” but when he gets frustrated he can get very emotional and melt down.  It doesn't happen often but when it does…look out.  It’s compounded when he is tired or hungry.  Otherwise he is quiet easy going…it’s really a Jekyll and Hyde situation.  I started looking for some tips on helping Ryan deal with his frustration.  I wanted to give him some tools that he can take back to the classroom with him.  It’s hard for a 9 year old boy to see the big picture of long term goals.  It’s hard for him to realize that doing the activities for hours and hours will one day be to his benefit.  He just doesn’t have the life experience yet to appreciate this.  Here are a few tips about resiliency that I found interesting.  They were either a new twist for us to employ or a nice confirmation of what we are doing:

1. Listen.  Listening to your kids instead of trying to give advice or “fix things” helps you to truly see the world from their perspective.  I've tried to be quieter and just listen to Ryan’s stories and frustrations without judgement or without telling him what he should do about things.
2. Empathize.  Instead of telling your child to just “shake it off”, understand their perspective.  Take a moment to see things through their eyes.  Share your empathy with your child.  “Wow, I can see how that would be very frustrating.”
3.  Ask.  Ask your children what they can do differently next time or how they might rectify a situation.  Instead of telling your child that they need to apologize or the steps that they need to “fix” a problem, ask them for their input.  If they could have a “re-do”, how would they change their choices?  If they were wronged, what might make them feel better?  How could they make the situation better?
4.  Manage emotions.  Kids learn very quickly which emotions will get them what they want, or out of doing what they don’t want.  I also have to learn how to ride out Ryan’s emotions and recognize that, while I feel really badly that he had a bad day, he is still capable of doing his homework.
5. Model resiliency.  This is a big one for me.  I need to remember that “little people” are watching my every move and really handle my own emotions.  I tend to rant or vent to my husband or friend on the phone and forget that others might be listening.

Ryan needs to know that he’s going to have bad days.  The only things they work on in his program are the HARD things.  It’s one thing to know this and another to experience it.  Hopefully, these few steps will help us ride the wave a little easier.

Here are a few sites that had some more advice on teaching resiliency:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-tips-for-raising-resilient-kids/00017272

http://www.kidspot.com.au/schoolzone/Friendships-Teaching-your-child-resilience+3994+394+article.htm

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resilience.aspx