ADHD and the Holidays

As many of you know and have experienced, the holidays can be both a blessing and a curse if you are living with and loving someone with ADHD.  The late nights, crowded shopping malls, extra things on “to do” lists, parties, strangers, traveling, sweets, rich dinners, greasy take out, getting out of routine and, of course taking some actual time off, can lead to elevated levels of anxiety, meltdowns and frustration…and that’s from your neurotypical family members! Seriously though, all the above can amplify and wear out your family members with ADHD and yourself which is often an explosive combination. This was us for a very long time.  I have a tough time with the holidays to begin with, probably because of working retail for years and seeing the awful side of people.  Then throw in dealing with our son’s anxiety and I’m just done with this whole holiday cheer thing. This year though we decided to try to do things differently. We got really organized and took advantage of online shopping and Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals. Thus, reducing our ventures into the unholy world of the mall at Christmas season. Now that our son is old enough to stay home by himself, he too has been able to avoid unnecessary trips into crowded and hot stores that he has no interest in being in. We are trying to plan outings around dinner to avoid eating out. Not only am I still on my weight loss journey, but too much take out is just never a good thing. We get up and out earlier on weekends when we are all more rested, and places are less crowded. We also make shorter trips more often, instead of trying to do everything in one go. It means I must really keep on top of my lists and it’s a bit more inconvenient, but it’s making the over all experience much better for everyone. I can also take each child separately and tackle their shopping lists too, while spending a little one-on-one time with each of them.

What are some of your tips for getting ready for the holidays?

Getting back into routine

We survived the holidays!  Yay to us!  Few meltdowns, lots of visiting, way too much food and a good time was had by all.  We hope that everyone had a great new Year's Eve!  Now that all of the festivities are over, everyone is getting bored and restless and we're ready to get back into routine.  R has been doing his homework every day this week.  Although he protested mightily at first, I think he's actually glad to have this one thing that is routinized in his day.  Yes it's all good to be without a timetable and schedule and to wake up late etc.  However, when you have attention and memory issues, routine is the best thing you can do to support yourself.  I know for my own self that if I have a change in my routine, that's when I'm most likely to leave my phone at home or some piece of my lunch gets left on the kitchen counter.

This doesn't mean that you can never have a carefree lifestyle or that you are bound to a schedule forever.  It simply means that making small routines throughout your day will go a long way when it comes to memory or attention dysfunctions.  For example, breakfast, bed and bath and dinner routines can help make these times a little less chaotic and the whole process can run more smoothly.  As children get older and become more responsible for their own routines, having these foundation routines can make this transition easier.

Keeping the kids into routine where possible not only keeps them on track but keeps me on track too.  It's good to take a break from routine.  It shakes things up and allows for different experiences.  It's also nice to have some familiar friendly routines to come home to.

Cheers!

Anxiety

So this summer has been pretty busy to say the least.  Our family has weathered the storm of a life or death health emergency and have, very thankfully, come out on the other side in tact.  However, it hasn't come without some residual casualties.  My summer of reading with Ryan and reviewing comprehension activities and journaling are out the window.  This summer we read two passages and wrote two journals.  My daughter's bucket list summer of activities to do together on my days off are out the window too.  We did manage to salvage some family time and it was great - just not what we planned.  During this summer of the necessity of being flexible, of rolling with the punches, of figuring it out as we go, I forget that this doesn't always work for my kids.  Now, my kids have been SUPER awesome given the circumstances but recently my son's been having trouble sleeping.  WHAT?!  When did this start?  How come I didn't notice?

My mind starts racing to the obvious...medication.  Do we need to change it?  Do we need to stop it?  Then I started putting two and two together.  Funny, sleep issues only started when we started back to school shopping.  So I asked my son if anything was bothering him.  This lead into a discussion about the whole process for the first day of school.  Remember, we started at his new school in March.  This will be Ryan's fist "First Day of School" at PCS.  So, we reviewed the whole process, agreed that Dad would go with him to the gym for the Kick Off assembly with the principal and then show him where his classroom is.  Funny, he slept like a log that night.

Anxiety can rear it's ugly head with any child.  However, for a child with working memory issues changes to routine can be especially distressing.  Mostly because it's very hard to draw on past experiences...they simply can't always remember all of the details.  My son is usually very good at advocating for himself when he is not sure what's going on.  But sometimes he's not sure what's wrong himself.  Just because the adults know the game plan, we have to remember to take the time, in this world of never enough time, to remember to explain the plan to the kids - especially the kids who depend on routine.

What is fair?

“Fairness does not mean everyone gets the same. Fairness means everyone gets what they need.” 
― Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

My child needs special education that will reinforce his memory so that he can remember how to read.  My son suffers from a print disability both similar to, and different from, Dyslexia.  Most people have some understanding of Dyslexia.  It is not simply reading letters backwards (but that's for another post) but at least many people are accepting of the fact that Dyslexia is a real and confirmed condition.  If I say that my son has a communication Learning Disability, I'm often looked at like I've grown a third eye.  If I say my son has Dyslexia, I receive a sigh and a look that says "Oh, OK.  I get it".

My son has the ability to learn and can learn very quickly.  However, he has an issue with his working memory.  If he is not using an intense amount of energy learning a specific task (such as reading), the information falls out of his ears.  Quite literally.  An example is remembering how to spell his last name.  He can tell you his last name but at any given moment, if you ask him to spell his last name, he can probably only remember the first 4 letters.  He rarely writes his last name.  So his brain process information as "relevant vs. irrelevant".  Often what is considered relevant is what was learned 5 minutes ago.  Irrelevant could be what was learned in the morning.  So you can imagine his frustration when he knows that he learned something yesterday but can't quite remember what it was all about.  Think of the movie "50 First Dates".  This is often my child's reality.

My son attends public school.  While I fully believe in public education and wrote papers in University condemning the privatization of education, I find myself at a crossroads.  A therapy option is available for my son to address his various learning challenges.  It comes at a great financial cost and is only really accessible at a private school close to us.  I haven't given a second thought regarding the implications that sending my son to this school has on my value system.  I'm concerned with his ability to thrive and live a functioning life once he leaves the education system.  I'm concern with his ability to be a contributing member of society.  I'm concerned for his future happiness.

Public education is built on a foundation that seems to be faltering in it's promise to serve the greater good.  It is built on the foundation that all persons be treated equally, including those with special needs.  However, the notion is that of sameness.  My son is struggling through the same programs as everyone else who can't read, while making minimal gains.  This therapy can help him, and others like him, with needs that are similar, yet different.  It needs to be part of our public education system as an option when other programs fail.  It needs to be available to the masses, not just the wealthy.  This therapy needs to be integrated into our public special needs education.  Access to this program needs to be fair.