It's the little things: Top Secret

So...we have some very exciting news!!  It looks like Ryan will be joining his typical class for Science very soon!!  We'll know for sure when by the end of the week.  This is the most amazing news!  The more typical classes that Ryan returns to, means the more his brain is developing and can begin to handle a typical school workload.  Apparently his math skills are really taking off (Ryan has always had more strength in Math) and his teachers think he might be able to handle the science curriculum.  He will still have some accommodating for his writing and reading but this is truly exciting news.

Ryan also mastered another level in his tracing.  That's 2 levels in 2 weeks!  Apparently a new world record.  So after some initial struggle and frustration, it seems like things are falling into place.  We had a huge discussion about short term "pain" and longer term "gain".  I was glad to have some concrete examples relevant to his world.  All of this great news has renewed Ryan's motivation to stay in homework club and work really diligently at his program.  It's been tricky for the past couple of weeks - this was some much needed good news!!

Happy Thursday!

My Kid Hates School

My son hates school.  I can’t really blame him.  The school environment is not conducive to his learning style.  Ryan is busy and physical and totally learns by doing.  This might be partly to do with his learning disabilities and also just the way his brain prefers to process information.  Now that he is in the Arrowsmith program it’s even worse.  He is totally 2 sides of the coin with his new school.  On one hand, he likes the teachers and kids in his typical class.  He hangs out with them during recess and gym and genuinely enjoys their company.  He is finding social success at this new school.  No one has called him “crazy”, or “stupid”.  No one has intimidated him or threatened him with physical harm.  He has not come home early from play-dates (sorry…from “hanging out”) and he has had amazing times at birthday parties.  Never mind the fact that he’s been invited to birthday parties.

However, his Arrowsmith classroom is very small this year.  There are only 5 students (including Ryan), down from 11 last year.  Ryan does not like 3 of the 4 students left in his class and these are the students he spends most of his time with.  Ryan is only at grade 3 reading and just moved into grade 4 math.  However, he is still in the tutoring sessions with the younger kids.  He wants to be with his buddy who is a grade ahead of him.

The Arrowsmith program is also really demanding.  I mean, REALLY demanding.  I wouldn't choose to do the intensity of work that Ryan is doing.  He mostly tolerates things but it’s really hard for him.  It sounds counterproductive but it’s SO important to follow the program to maximize the results.  Ryan doesn't have the life experience to realize that short term pain will produce longer term gains.  I know that sounds like some 80’s workout video slogan but we, as adults, know it to be true.  How do I explain this to my 10 year old who simply doesn't buy it?

Anxiety

So this summer has been pretty busy to say the least.  Our family has weathered the storm of a life or death health emergency and have, very thankfully, come out on the other side in tact.  However, it hasn't come without some residual casualties.  My summer of reading with Ryan and reviewing comprehension activities and journaling are out the window.  This summer we read two passages and wrote two journals.  My daughter's bucket list summer of activities to do together on my days off are out the window too.  We did manage to salvage some family time and it was great - just not what we planned.  During this summer of the necessity of being flexible, of rolling with the punches, of figuring it out as we go, I forget that this doesn't always work for my kids.  Now, my kids have been SUPER awesome given the circumstances but recently my son's been having trouble sleeping.  WHAT?!  When did this start?  How come I didn't notice?

My mind starts racing to the obvious...medication.  Do we need to change it?  Do we need to stop it?  Then I started putting two and two together.  Funny, sleep issues only started when we started back to school shopping.  So I asked my son if anything was bothering him.  This lead into a discussion about the whole process for the first day of school.  Remember, we started at his new school in March.  This will be Ryan's fist "First Day of School" at PCS.  So, we reviewed the whole process, agreed that Dad would go with him to the gym for the Kick Off assembly with the principal and then show him where his classroom is.  Funny, he slept like a log that night.

Anxiety can rear it's ugly head with any child.  However, for a child with working memory issues changes to routine can be especially distressing.  Mostly because it's very hard to draw on past experiences...they simply can't always remember all of the details.  My son is usually very good at advocating for himself when he is not sure what's going on.  But sometimes he's not sure what's wrong himself.  Just because the adults know the game plan, we have to remember to take the time, in this world of never enough time, to remember to explain the plan to the kids - especially the kids who depend on routine.

It's the little things...

This may seem so small, so insignificant.  However, every time I think of it I'm moved almost to tears.  Please don't laugh out loud at me but, Ryan had his annual eye exam today and used only LETTERS during his exam.  No symbols!  He was readily able to identify all the ones he could see.  Turns out the little man needs some reading glasses.  We thought stress and adjustment were the culprits behind his headaches last year during his transition at PCS and Arrowsmith...oops.  Once we get his new specs he'll be off and running into a brand new school year.  I told you it was small...but not so insignificant.  This is another milestone.  YAY!

Are Learning Disabilities Real?

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked this question.  There is an underlying assumption that, because you can't always "see" a learning disability that they must be fake.  Really, the child is just lazy.  This is often true in a case like ours where Ryan's vocabulary is above grade level.  When speech and reading are so closely linked, it is hard to imagine that one can have an above grade level vocabulary, yet a drastically below grade level reading performance.  However, that is our reality.  Here is a wonderful article to help people understand the challenges someone might go through DAILY with a reading disability.  Please enjoy and feel free to pass along!

Hello Lovelies!  I did not quit.  Although, the thought did occur to me since it’s been so long since I've last posted.  June 7^th???  Holy smokes time flies.  Well, as life does, we've been thrown with a few curve balls and they certainly threw me for a loop.  I had an interesting conversation with the Special Education Officer for my District School Board last month.  She had absolutely NO interest in discussing the Arrowsmith program.  I was flabbergasted!  I really need to remember that just because I am enthusiastic about something and can totally see the logic and the utility, does not mean that everyone will share my vision.  In any case, unfortunately, she was quite misinformed and the conversation was not quite the place to educate her.  However, the statement she made, that “we cannot have individual programs for every student” just blew me away.  Why not?  Isn't that the very essence of an IEP?  Isn't that what Special Education has struggled towards for years?  Isn't one of the goals of education, particularly special education, to break out of the mold of one standard and allow children to develop and learn with the tools necessary for their growth and education?  So I was very disheartened to hear this attitude coming from someone on my board of education.  No wonder my struggles for Ryan have been so many and old ideas so hard to break away from.  I suppose this person could have meant commercialized programs.  We cannot bring in a commercialized program to meet every student’s needs.  I suppose I understand that.  However, we do use commercialized programs everyday within the schools and school board.  Here is where I face a lack of understanding because Arrowsmith individualizes itself, to meet the student’s needs.  Not every student has to go through the same programs or activities.  It all depends on where they are.  At the end of the day…isn't THAT what Special Education is supposed to be all about?  Meeting students where they are, right now, and giving them what they need to go beyond what they've been told they can do.  To do more than show students shortcuts to cope.  How about giving them tools to learn?

Teaching Resiliency

Ryan had another tough couple of days this week.  I’m struggling constantly with the notion that we made the wrong choice.  The rational side of me knows that the program works.  Going through the Arrowsmith program will help Ryan in so many ways.  Part of the problem is, is that I can’t go through this with him.  He has to go through this alone and it breaks my heart.  I’ve always been able to be his buffer when his emotions get the best of him.  I've had access to his day and can help him calm down.  Ryan’s emotions are getting the best of him at his new school and he feels very much alone.  He doesn’t really know his teachers yet (it’s only been 4 weeks), nor does he have any real bonds with his classmates.  There is no “quiet room”, like at his previous school and his teachers have very specific expectations of behaviour.  Ryan’s previous school was very tolerant of his emotional difficulties.  Ryan isn’t a behavioural “problem” but when he gets frustrated he can get very emotional and melt down.  It doesn't happen often but when it does…look out.  It’s compounded when he is tired or hungry.  Otherwise he is quiet easy going…it’s really a Jekyll and Hyde situation.  I started looking for some tips on helping Ryan deal with his frustration.  I wanted to give him some tools that he can take back to the classroom with him.  It’s hard for a 9 year old boy to see the big picture of long term goals.  It’s hard for him to realize that doing the activities for hours and hours will one day be to his benefit.  He just doesn’t have the life experience yet to appreciate this.  Here are a few tips about resiliency that I found interesting.  They were either a new twist for us to employ or a nice confirmation of what we are doing:

1. Listen.  Listening to your kids instead of trying to give advice or “fix things” helps you to truly see the world from their perspective.  I've tried to be quieter and just listen to Ryan’s stories and frustrations without judgement or without telling him what he should do about things.
2. Empathize.  Instead of telling your child to just “shake it off”, understand their perspective.  Take a moment to see things through their eyes.  Share your empathy with your child.  “Wow, I can see how that would be very frustrating.”
3.  Ask.  Ask your children what they can do differently next time or how they might rectify a situation.  Instead of telling your child that they need to apologize or the steps that they need to “fix” a problem, ask them for their input.  If they could have a “re-do”, how would they change their choices?  If they were wronged, what might make them feel better?  How could they make the situation better?
4.  Manage emotions.  Kids learn very quickly which emotions will get them what they want, or out of doing what they don’t want.  I also have to learn how to ride out Ryan’s emotions and recognize that, while I feel really badly that he had a bad day, he is still capable of doing his homework.
5. Model resiliency.  This is a big one for me.  I need to remember that “little people” are watching my every move and really handle my own emotions.  I tend to rant or vent to my husband or friend on the phone and forget that others might be listening.

Ryan needs to know that he’s going to have bad days.  The only things they work on in his program are the HARD things.  It’s one thing to know this and another to experience it.  Hopefully, these few steps will help us ride the wave a little easier.

Here are a few sites that had some more advice on teaching resiliency:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-tips-for-raising-resilient-kids/00017272

http://www.kidspot.com.au/schoolzone/Friendships-Teaching-your-child-resilience+3994+394+article.htm

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resilience.aspx

Meet the Master

Well, my DS mastered Level One of Tracing!  Big deal, you might think.  I don’t really blame you.  However, this means that our DS’s brain is already changing.  In 4 weeks at Arrowsmith, he has improved his printing accuracy.  This means that his brain and his hand have now started a conversation.  They used to argue with each other…a lot!  Now, Ryan has slightly better control over his written movements.  Now don’t get me wrong…these improvements are NOT miraculous.  To the naked eye, the change is miniscule.  You probably wouldn’t even notice.  However, to a young boy that has never before been so frustrated in his entire life, to persevere through that frustration to reach this success, is a HUGE milestone.  He wrote in his journal how excited he was to place a LARGE ribbon on his Lamb (the poster boards where the Arrowsmith students place their ribbons of achievement).  He can see just a tiny sliver of benefit of the procedures.  He can write just a little bit more every day in his journal.  These results are measurable and tangible to him.  These results will stay with Ryan for his entire life.  He will never have to start at level 1 again. Ever.

Congratulations!

Week One Done!

Well, my little man completed his first week at Pickering Christian School and the Arrowsmith Program.  We've had a number of tears and meltdowns but, all in all, things haven't gone too badly.  Ryan is getting used to his new demands and routines.  Let me tell you, his new routines are quite demanding!  He has gone from no homework to 40 minutes per day.  Starting next week that will change to 70 minutes per day, 6 days per week!  The journaling is his biggest challenge...trying to come up with topics each day is difficult.  The other challenge is having to do his exercises SLOWLY.  Ryan likes to rush through everything! It's all good lessons for him just the transition is difficult.  Having said that, not one time has he ever even mentioned the words quit, can't, don't want to go to school tomorrow.  He's showing that he has great strength of character.  It's pretty cool!

Leap Of Faith

Today we begin a journey that starts with a leap of faith.  My little guy is starting his assessments at the Arrowsmith Program at the Pickering Christian School.    He will start the program full time at the end of the month.  We are still waiting to see if we even qualify for the tax credit to pay for the tuition fees!!  However, he is SUCH a perfect candidate for the program that we are starting his assessments ASAP so that his program can be ready when the school resumes after March Break (they have 2 weeks off) (Thank-you family for also taking this leap of faith with us a fronting us the funds).

Funny enough, my word for the year is "BELIEVE".  However, I find the more I think about my word, the more it applies to my everyday.  I believe in myself, I believe in my family and I especially believe in my children.  I see their future as filled with so much possibility.  As I hold my breath and jump off of this cliff, I believe that the finances will fall into place.  I believe this because I realized this morning that, for the first time, I can exhale because I truly believe we are on a path where my son can dream a future he can aspire to.  The doors are opening for him.  This is day 1 of Ryan's new world.