ADHD and the Holidays

As many of you know and have experienced, the holidays can be both a blessing and a curse if you are living with and loving someone with ADHD.  The late nights, crowded shopping malls, extra things on “to do” lists, parties, strangers, traveling, sweets, rich dinners, greasy take out, getting out of routine and, of course taking some actual time off, can lead to elevated levels of anxiety, meltdowns and frustration…and that’s from your neurotypical family members! Seriously though, all the above can amplify and wear out your family members with ADHD and yourself which is often an explosive combination. This was us for a very long time.  I have a tough time with the holidays to begin with, probably because of working retail for years and seeing the awful side of people.  Then throw in dealing with our son’s anxiety and I’m just done with this whole holiday cheer thing. This year though we decided to try to do things differently. We got really organized and took advantage of online shopping and Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals. Thus, reducing our ventures into the unholy world of the mall at Christmas season. Now that our son is old enough to stay home by himself, he too has been able to avoid unnecessary trips into crowded and hot stores that he has no interest in being in. We are trying to plan outings around dinner to avoid eating out. Not only am I still on my weight loss journey, but too much take out is just never a good thing. We get up and out earlier on weekends when we are all more rested, and places are less crowded. We also make shorter trips more often, instead of trying to do everything in one go. It means I must really keep on top of my lists and it’s a bit more inconvenient, but it’s making the over all experience much better for everyone. I can also take each child separately and tackle their shopping lists too, while spending a little one-on-one time with each of them.

What are some of your tips for getting ready for the holidays?

More about ADHD

Here is a fantastic episode from CBC's "The Nature of Things" with David Suzuki. It's primarily about Adult ADHD but explains what ADHD is, discusses the impact of ADHD and treatments such as therapy, medication, life coaching and new methods for creating neurons (much like what our son did through the Arrowsmith).

It's a lengthy watch but if you are interested in learning about ADHD, or are just curious about the condition, then it's well worth it. Our son sees Dr. Hoffer for treatment so it was interesting to see him as one of the featured Dr.s being interviewed for this episode!!

Click HERE to watch the video.

What is ADHD?

I had an interesting conversation with a dear friend’s mother the other day about ADHD and I realized that there is still a lot of mystery about ADHD, what it is and how it is diagnosed. It seems like all you hear about is ADHD and everyone is getting diagnosed with ADHD. Is ADHD just an excuse for bad parenting? Are we just letting our kids run amok and then labelling them as ADHD? Maybe.

**I should note at this point that I am NOT a medical professional and any opinions voiced in this blog are just that, my opinions. I have no medical training and base my knowledge on my own research and our family’s experiences. If you question whether your own child has ADHD, you should seek medical advice from your GP or pediatrician.**

I too, read articles titled “14 Signs of ADHD” and think that these just sound like busy children. Then I reflect on our own experience. It’s hard to explain other than parental instinct. But you watch your child, among their peers, and there is something different. You child is louder, busier, angrier, whinier, messier, more forgetful, more destructive, more energetic, sillier than the others. All. The. Time. It may be subtle, but the inkling is there. Our son was not diagnosed until grade 4 so he was still only 8 years old. We knew that our son was having difficulty academically. His learning disabilities were the focus of everyone’s energies. However, his ADHD was also getting in the way of his progress.

I also hear arguments about how the school environment is not conducive to children’s natural personalities and therefore we just label kids as having ADHD. I tend to agree somewhat. I think early childhood education is too restrictive, classrooms are too big and that 3 and 4-year old’s do not need to be in institutional care 5 days a week. In Ontario we run play based kindergarten programs. Unfortunately, we also have class sizes of up to 30 children in rooms designed for 20, utilizing a program that was designed for class sizes of 18. So, while I do have some exceptions to the educational system and gaps in teacher training in general, most children can adapt. Perhaps not willingly, but most kids tend to settle into routine and begin to flourish in our education system such as it is. Our son did not. In fact, he got worse. His emotional outbursts were getting him teased and bullied at school, he couldn’t read, he couldn’t remember how to write his last name. When tested, his reading and writing were immeasurable, and he couldn’t follow 2 step instructions without forgetting at least one of the steps if not both of them.

ADHD does not just speak about busy, rough and tumble children. Or the day-dreamy child who must be called back to the task at hand. It’s when the rough and tumble, busy, day dreaming starts to get in the way. It gets in the way of friends. It gets in the way at home. It gets in the way at school. It’s after using calendars and routines and check lists and they still forget to brush their teeth AND get their P.J.s on. It’s after losing endless numbers of hats and mitts and scarves (not just one or two sets but literally a set a week). It’s after getting another phone call home about being hands on at school again. It’s about hearing the announcement for sports try outs in the morning but forgetting to go at lunch. It’s about getting so frustrated that everything is so hard everyday that you can do nothing else but meltdown and hide behind the bushes on the school yard.

This is ADHD.

Bobby Fischer is that you?

So my kid has taught himself how to play chess.  Truly, and honestly, he knows how to play chess.  He picked up the game in grade 4.  His teacher brought in a chess board and the kids would "play" during indoor recess or during free time etc.  The teacher taught the students some basic moves but they, for the most part, made up their own game outside of these basic elements.  Since then, R has moved schools and they have a chess club.  Last year he was too late to join.  However, this year he has not just joined but has qualified to enter the school competition.  What?  I mean...what?

I knew he liked the game but I didn't realize that he had been practicing on line and teaching himself by watching videos (thanks youtube).  My husband told me this news yesterday.  "You mean play, play?"  I asked. "Not just made up play?" and he told me about the competition.  I've tried SO many times to pick up chess and it literally makes my brain hurt.  I can't remember the names of the pieces, which ones are stronger and in which direction each piece can move.  As I said to my husband yesterday - I can barely keep up with checkers most days.

No, I don't REALLY think he's the next Bobby Fischer but it's kind of cool that a kid, who people had started to write off, taught himself, and remembered, some of the intricacies and strategies of a pretty complicated game with limited reading ability.  Part of my "break" has been my intense anxiety about the future.  My head know's he's going to be O.K. but my heart hasn't always been so sure.  Now, without any doubt, I know.

It's the little things: Top Secret

So...we have some very exciting news!!  It looks like Ryan will be joining his typical class for Science very soon!!  We'll know for sure when by the end of the week.  This is the most amazing news!  The more typical classes that Ryan returns to, means the more his brain is developing and can begin to handle a typical school workload.  Apparently his math skills are really taking off (Ryan has always had more strength in Math) and his teachers think he might be able to handle the science curriculum.  He will still have some accommodating for his writing and reading but this is truly exciting news.

Ryan also mastered another level in his tracing.  That's 2 levels in 2 weeks!  Apparently a new world record.  So after some initial struggle and frustration, it seems like things are falling into place.  We had a huge discussion about short term "pain" and longer term "gain".  I was glad to have some concrete examples relevant to his world.  All of this great news has renewed Ryan's motivation to stay in homework club and work really diligently at his program.  It's been tricky for the past couple of weeks - this was some much needed good news!!

Happy Thursday!

Leap Of Faith

Today we begin a journey that starts with a leap of faith.  My little guy is starting his assessments at the Arrowsmith Program at the Pickering Christian School.    He will start the program full time at the end of the month.  We are still waiting to see if we even qualify for the tax credit to pay for the tuition fees!!  However, he is SUCH a perfect candidate for the program that we are starting his assessments ASAP so that his program can be ready when the school resumes after March Break (they have 2 weeks off) (Thank-you family for also taking this leap of faith with us a fronting us the funds).

Funny enough, my word for the year is "BELIEVE".  However, I find the more I think about my word, the more it applies to my everyday.  I believe in myself, I believe in my family and I especially believe in my children.  I see their future as filled with so much possibility.  As I hold my breath and jump off of this cliff, I believe that the finances will fall into place.  I believe this because I realized this morning that, for the first time, I can exhale because I truly believe we are on a path where my son can dream a future he can aspire to.  The doors are opening for him.  This is day 1 of Ryan's new world.