Bobby Fischer is that you?

So my kid has taught himself how to play chess.  Truly, and honestly, he knows how to play chess.  He picked up the game in grade 4.  His teacher brought in a chess board and the kids would "play" during indoor recess or during free time etc.  The teacher taught the students some basic moves but they, for the most part, made up their own game outside of these basic elements.  Since then, R has moved schools and they have a chess club.  Last year he was too late to join.  However, this year he has not just joined but has qualified to enter the school competition.  What?  I mean...what?

I knew he liked the game but I didn't realize that he had been practicing on line and teaching himself by watching videos (thanks youtube).  My husband told me this news yesterday.  "You mean play, play?"  I asked. "Not just made up play?" and he told me about the competition.  I've tried SO many times to pick up chess and it literally makes my brain hurt.  I can't remember the names of the pieces, which ones are stronger and in which direction each piece can move.  As I said to my husband yesterday - I can barely keep up with checkers most days.

No, I don't REALLY think he's the next Bobby Fischer but it's kind of cool that a kid, who people had started to write off, taught himself, and remembered, some of the intricacies and strategies of a pretty complicated game with limited reading ability.  Part of my "break" has been my intense anxiety about the future.  My head know's he's going to be O.K. but my heart hasn't always been so sure.  Now, without any doubt, I know.

Remembering where we were

When I have doubt or fear that Ryan's progress is too slow or that he'll never "get there", I often re-read my personal diary that I sometimes keep.  Usually I only write in it when I really, really need to get stuff out of my head.  It's often in stops and starts.  Sometimes I'm writing a book, sometimes a poem and sometimes it's just random ramblings.

I recently read an excerpt about the day when I realized, to my very core, that things weren't going to be an easy ride for my guy,  He'd finally started with the Occupational Therapy (OT) for his handwriting,  This was about halfway through 3rd grade.  We were thrilled.  Finally - we thought.  We'd waited a year for these services.  In the initial report that we received it was noted that when the Occupational Therapist asked Ryan to identify the letters of the alphabet he could correctly identify about half of all the letters in upper case and about a quarter of the letters in lower case.  I cried.  I cried like I have never cried before.  Then I marched over to the school to discuss what our next steps were.  We were dumbfounded.  How can a child get to grade three and NOT know the letters of the alphabet?

This is when I began to truly understand the depths of Ryan’s disability.

Getting back into routine

We survived the holidays!  Yay to us!  Few meltdowns, lots of visiting, way too much food and a good time was had by all.  We hope that everyone had a great new Year's Eve!  Now that all of the festivities are over, everyone is getting bored and restless and we're ready to get back into routine.  R has been doing his homework every day this week.  Although he protested mightily at first, I think he's actually glad to have this one thing that is routinized in his day.  Yes it's all good to be without a timetable and schedule and to wake up late etc.  However, when you have attention and memory issues, routine is the best thing you can do to support yourself.  I know for my own self that if I have a change in my routine, that's when I'm most likely to leave my phone at home or some piece of my lunch gets left on the kitchen counter.

This doesn't mean that you can never have a carefree lifestyle or that you are bound to a schedule forever.  It simply means that making small routines throughout your day will go a long way when it comes to memory or attention dysfunctions.  For example, breakfast, bed and bath and dinner routines can help make these times a little less chaotic and the whole process can run more smoothly.  As children get older and become more responsible for their own routines, having these foundation routines can make this transition easier.

Keeping the kids into routine where possible not only keeps them on track but keeps me on track too.  It's good to take a break from routine.  It shakes things up and allows for different experiences.  It's also nice to have some familiar friendly routines to come home to.

Cheers!

it's the little things...acknowledging our strengths

As I'm getting ready to take Ryan to his hockey game yesterday he shows me his latest Lego creation.  He's getting more creative with his Lego.  He's starting to build structures and vehicles instead of his regular elaborate battle scenes.  Don't get me wrong, his battles and war stories are very complex and strategic.  It's just that he's been raging war against the Empire since forever, so I think sometimes I forget how complicated his story lines are.  So he's explaining his latest invention and it's really kind of a cool little car with a compartment that can hold stuff.  He then tells me that he wants to be a Lego Master Builder.  We saw a job posting not too long ago and he's been fixated ever since.  I told him that I think that might be a good summer job in a few years when he's older and has some more experience building bigger structures.  "Well," he states, "My ADHD gives me extra creativity.".  Slightly surprised by this statement, and knowing how my son speaks I asked him who told him that?  I mean, I know how fabulous he is and we discuss his creativity all the time.  However, I don't think I've ever actually told him that I think he is creative.  He relied simply with "H" (a friend of the family).  "Well," I relied, "I think she's right.".  "YES!" Ryan exclaims in triumph, "Finally...this ADHD thing is good for something!!".  Way to see the positive my friend!  Clearly we need to do more of that.  New Year's resolution #1.

Happy Holidays to everyone!  Breath deeply and remember the positives and focus on strengths.  Things can go sideways pretty quickly so bring your sense of humor and know that this too shall pass.  As my fav author Dr. Seuss says "Those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter".

Understood helps with Understanding

https://www.understood.org/en


This is a fantastic website for anyone dealing with learning and attention issues. It's not only full of great articles, but the creators have designed a section called "Through Your Child's Eye".  This section contains a number of simulations relating to some of the main learning or attention issues addressed on the website.  Trying some of the games really opened my eyes to the difficulties Ryan may experience on any given day.  Now, trying to imagine my entire day, all day, every day, struggling like this left me exhausted.  I could not imagine dealing with some of these experiences all day long!

Getting Things Done.

As things ramp up for the holidays it's easy for us to get caught up in the hustle and bustle.  Our "To Do" lists grow longer and the hours in a day seem to disappear with the daylight.  It's important to remember during these times of increased stress and reduced patience that our children with Executive Functioning issues aren't trying to be difficult or lazy.  They often times simply can't hold more than 2 instructions in their memories at a time (normally it's about 4).  Add in the distraction that comes with ADHD, disruption to routine or fatigue, and it could create a cocktail for disaster.

The gift that these challenges bring to us is that they remind us to slow down, speak slowly and softly and take things one at a time.  When we are running on all cylinders and burning the candle at both ends, these may not be bad things.  This article from Understood has some great strategies for giving instructions to kids with learning and attention issues.  Some of them we use regularly and some were good reminders.  Enjoy!

It's the little things: Top Secret

So...we have some very exciting news!!  It looks like Ryan will be joining his typical class for Science very soon!!  We'll know for sure when by the end of the week.  This is the most amazing news!  The more typical classes that Ryan returns to, means the more his brain is developing and can begin to handle a typical school workload.  Apparently his math skills are really taking off (Ryan has always had more strength in Math) and his teachers think he might be able to handle the science curriculum.  He will still have some accommodating for his writing and reading but this is truly exciting news.

Ryan also mastered another level in his tracing.  That's 2 levels in 2 weeks!  Apparently a new world record.  So after some initial struggle and frustration, it seems like things are falling into place.  We had a huge discussion about short term "pain" and longer term "gain".  I was glad to have some concrete examples relevant to his world.  All of this great news has renewed Ryan's motivation to stay in homework club and work really diligently at his program.  It's been tricky for the past couple of weeks - this was some much needed good news!!

Happy Thursday!