How Timely...

This is an interesting article that came at an interesting time.  Just this week, I was trying to figure out ways to help DS better deal with frustration and set backs.  This article helped explain that he most likely has a lower tolerance for frustration.  It makes sense for our situation and helps with our empathy towards Ryan's outbursts.  They don't tend to happen often, but when they do they are VERY big!  What I have to watch out for is the difference between empathy and pity.  It's not helpful for Ryan to have people in his life who feel sorry for him.  I can empathize with his frustration but I can't enable him from getting out of things he has to do.  This whole process is to help him be a happy, independent and productive member of society.  His future boss isn't going to let him miss deadlines because "he's had a bad day."  I recognize that he's only nine but at the same time he IS nine and I have to let go a little bit to allow for maturity...sigh...this is difficult stuff.

This article was a great read.  I hope it brings you some insight as well.  Cheers!

http://www.ncld.org/types-learning-disabilities/executive-function-disorders/executive-dysfunction-behavior-problems

Teaching Resiliency

Ryan had another tough couple of days this week.  I’m struggling constantly with the notion that we made the wrong choice.  The rational side of me knows that the program works.  Going through the Arrowsmith program will help Ryan in so many ways.  Part of the problem is, is that I can’t go through this with him.  He has to go through this alone and it breaks my heart.  I’ve always been able to be his buffer when his emotions get the best of him.  I've had access to his day and can help him calm down.  Ryan’s emotions are getting the best of him at his new school and he feels very much alone.  He doesn’t really know his teachers yet (it’s only been 4 weeks), nor does he have any real bonds with his classmates.  There is no “quiet room”, like at his previous school and his teachers have very specific expectations of behaviour.  Ryan’s previous school was very tolerant of his emotional difficulties.  Ryan isn’t a behavioural “problem” but when he gets frustrated he can get very emotional and melt down.  It doesn't happen often but when it does…look out.  It’s compounded when he is tired or hungry.  Otherwise he is quiet easy going…it’s really a Jekyll and Hyde situation.  I started looking for some tips on helping Ryan deal with his frustration.  I wanted to give him some tools that he can take back to the classroom with him.  It’s hard for a 9 year old boy to see the big picture of long term goals.  It’s hard for him to realize that doing the activities for hours and hours will one day be to his benefit.  He just doesn’t have the life experience yet to appreciate this.  Here are a few tips about resiliency that I found interesting.  They were either a new twist for us to employ or a nice confirmation of what we are doing:

1. Listen.  Listening to your kids instead of trying to give advice or “fix things” helps you to truly see the world from their perspective.  I've tried to be quieter and just listen to Ryan’s stories and frustrations without judgement or without telling him what he should do about things.
2. Empathize.  Instead of telling your child to just “shake it off”, understand their perspective.  Take a moment to see things through their eyes.  Share your empathy with your child.  “Wow, I can see how that would be very frustrating.”
3.  Ask.  Ask your children what they can do differently next time or how they might rectify a situation.  Instead of telling your child that they need to apologize or the steps that they need to “fix” a problem, ask them for their input.  If they could have a “re-do”, how would they change their choices?  If they were wronged, what might make them feel better?  How could they make the situation better?
4.  Manage emotions.  Kids learn very quickly which emotions will get them what they want, or out of doing what they don’t want.  I also have to learn how to ride out Ryan’s emotions and recognize that, while I feel really badly that he had a bad day, he is still capable of doing his homework.
5. Model resiliency.  This is a big one for me.  I need to remember that “little people” are watching my every move and really handle my own emotions.  I tend to rant or vent to my husband or friend on the phone and forget that others might be listening.

Ryan needs to know that he’s going to have bad days.  The only things they work on in his program are the HARD things.  It’s one thing to know this and another to experience it.  Hopefully, these few steps will help us ride the wave a little easier.

Here are a few sites that had some more advice on teaching resiliency:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-tips-for-raising-resilient-kids/00017272

http://www.kidspot.com.au/schoolzone/Friendships-Teaching-your-child-resilience+3994+394+article.htm

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resilience.aspx

Meet the Master

Well, my DS mastered Level One of Tracing!  Big deal, you might think.  I don’t really blame you.  However, this means that our DS’s brain is already changing.  In 4 weeks at Arrowsmith, he has improved his printing accuracy.  This means that his brain and his hand have now started a conversation.  They used to argue with each other…a lot!  Now, Ryan has slightly better control over his written movements.  Now don’t get me wrong…these improvements are NOT miraculous.  To the naked eye, the change is miniscule.  You probably wouldn’t even notice.  However, to a young boy that has never before been so frustrated in his entire life, to persevere through that frustration to reach this success, is a HUGE milestone.  He wrote in his journal how excited he was to place a LARGE ribbon on his Lamb (the poster boards where the Arrowsmith students place their ribbons of achievement).  He can see just a tiny sliver of benefit of the procedures.  He can write just a little bit more every day in his journal.  These results are measurable and tangible to him.  These results will stay with Ryan for his entire life.  He will never have to start at level 1 again. Ever.

Congratulations!

What is a Learning Disability (LD)?

The definition of LD as per the Ontario Ministry of Education:

Learning Disability 
A learning disorder evident in both academic and social situations that involves one or more of the processes necessary for the proper use of spoken language or the symbols of communication, and that is characterized by a condition that:

a) is not primarily the result of: 

impairment of vision;

impairment of hearing;

physical disability;

developmental disability;

primary emotional disturbance;

cultural difference;

b) results in a significant discrepancy between academic achievement and assessed intellectual ability, with deficits in one or more of the following:

receptive language (listening, reading);

language processing (thinking, conceptualizing, integrating);

expressive language (talking, spelling, writing);v

mathematical computations; and

c) may be associated with one or more conditions diagnosed as:

a perceptual handicap;

a brain injury;

minimal brain dysfunction;

dyslexia;

developmental aphasia.

www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/

The Learning Disabilities Association of Ontario Defines LD as:

"Learning Disabilities" refers to a variety of disorders that affect the acquisition, retention, understanding, organization or use of verbal and/or non-verbal information. These disorders result from impairments in one or more psychological processes related to learning (footnote a), in combination with otherwise average abilities essential for thinking and reasoning. Learning disabilities are specific not global impairments and as such, are distinct from intellectual disabilities.

Learning disabilities range in severity and invariably interfere with the acquisition and use of one or more of the following important skills:

oral language (e.g., listening, speaking, understanding)

reading (e.g., decoding, comprehension)

written language (e.g., spelling, written expression)

mathematics (e.g., computation, problem solving)

Footnote a: 

The term "psychological processes" describes an evolving list of cognitive functions. To date, research has focused on functions such as: 

phonological processing

memory and attention

processing speed

language processing

perceptual-motor integration

visual-spatial processing

executive functions (eg, planning, monitoring and metacognitive abilities)

Approved by the LDAO Board of Directors, May 2001.

www.ldadr.on.ca/ldaodef.htm

Explanation

I'm converting some old posts onto my new blog space.  If the time line seems out of whack, please forgive me.  I think I'm all caught up so my posts should make much more sense now.  Thanks for your patience.  If anyone wants some more information on the program that my son is taking,  please visit the Arrowsmith school site.

Week One Done!

Well, my little man completed his first week at Pickering Christian School and the Arrowsmith Program.  We've had a number of tears and meltdowns but, all in all, things haven't gone too badly.  Ryan is getting used to his new demands and routines.  Let me tell you, his new routines are quite demanding!  He has gone from no homework to 40 minutes per day.  Starting next week that will change to 70 minutes per day, 6 days per week!  The journaling is his biggest challenge...trying to come up with topics each day is difficult.  The other challenge is having to do his exercises SLOWLY.  Ryan likes to rush through everything! It's all good lessons for him just the transition is difficult.  Having said that, not one time has he ever even mentioned the words quit, can't, don't want to go to school tomorrow.  He's showing that he has great strength of character.  It's pretty cool!

Out of the Box

I know I've already posted today but...I just read this email and thought it was another great example of thinking outside of the box.  I know it's American based but I'm interested to see the full documentary:

National Center for Learning Disabilities

Leap Of Faith

Today we begin a journey that starts with a leap of faith.  My little guy is starting his assessments at the Arrowsmith Program at the Pickering Christian School.    He will start the program full time at the end of the month.  We are still waiting to see if we even qualify for the tax credit to pay for the tuition fees!!  However, he is SUCH a perfect candidate for the program that we are starting his assessments ASAP so that his program can be ready when the school resumes after March Break (they have 2 weeks off) (Thank-you family for also taking this leap of faith with us a fronting us the funds).

Funny enough, my word for the year is "BELIEVE".  However, I find the more I think about my word, the more it applies to my everyday.  I believe in myself, I believe in my family and I especially believe in my children.  I see their future as filled with so much possibility.  As I hold my breath and jump off of this cliff, I believe that the finances will fall into place.  I believe this because I realized this morning that, for the first time, I can exhale because I truly believe we are on a path where my son can dream a future he can aspire to.  The doors are opening for him.  This is day 1 of Ryan's new world.

What is fair?

“Fairness does not mean everyone gets the same. Fairness means everyone gets what they need.” 
― Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

My child needs special education that will reinforce his memory so that he can remember how to read.  My son suffers from a print disability both similar to, and different from, Dyslexia.  Most people have some understanding of Dyslexia.  It is not simply reading letters backwards (but that's for another post) but at least many people are accepting of the fact that Dyslexia is a real and confirmed condition.  If I say that my son has a communication Learning Disability, I'm often looked at like I've grown a third eye.  If I say my son has Dyslexia, I receive a sigh and a look that says "Oh, OK.  I get it".

My son has the ability to learn and can learn very quickly.  However, he has an issue with his working memory.  If he is not using an intense amount of energy learning a specific task (such as reading), the information falls out of his ears.  Quite literally.  An example is remembering how to spell his last name.  He can tell you his last name but at any given moment, if you ask him to spell his last name, he can probably only remember the first 4 letters.  He rarely writes his last name.  So his brain process information as "relevant vs. irrelevant".  Often what is considered relevant is what was learned 5 minutes ago.  Irrelevant could be what was learned in the morning.  So you can imagine his frustration when he knows that he learned something yesterday but can't quite remember what it was all about.  Think of the movie "50 First Dates".  This is often my child's reality.

My son attends public school.  While I fully believe in public education and wrote papers in University condemning the privatization of education, I find myself at a crossroads.  A therapy option is available for my son to address his various learning challenges.  It comes at a great financial cost and is only really accessible at a private school close to us.  I haven't given a second thought regarding the implications that sending my son to this school has on my value system.  I'm concerned with his ability to thrive and live a functioning life once he leaves the education system.  I'm concern with his ability to be a contributing member of society.  I'm concerned for his future happiness.

Public education is built on a foundation that seems to be faltering in it's promise to serve the greater good.  It is built on the foundation that all persons be treated equally, including those with special needs.  However, the notion is that of sameness.  My son is struggling through the same programs as everyone else who can't read, while making minimal gains.  This therapy can help him, and others like him, with needs that are similar, yet different.  It needs to be part of our public education system as an option when other programs fail.  It needs to be available to the masses, not just the wealthy.  This therapy needs to be integrated into our public special needs education.  Access to this program needs to be fair.