ADHD and the Holidays

As many of you know and have experienced, the holidays can be both a blessing and a curse if you are living with and loving someone with ADHD.  The late nights, crowded shopping malls, extra things on “to do” lists, parties, strangers, traveling, sweets, rich dinners, greasy take out, getting out of routine and, of course taking some actual time off, can lead to elevated levels of anxiety, meltdowns and frustration…and that’s from your neurotypical family members! Seriously though, all the above can amplify and wear out your family members with ADHD and yourself which is often an explosive combination. This was us for a very long time.  I have a tough time with the holidays to begin with, probably because of working retail for years and seeing the awful side of people.  Then throw in dealing with our son’s anxiety and I’m just done with this whole holiday cheer thing. This year though we decided to try to do things differently. We got really organized and took advantage of online shopping and Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals. Thus, reducing our ventures into the unholy world of the mall at Christmas season. Now that our son is old enough to stay home by himself, he too has been able to avoid unnecessary trips into crowded and hot stores that he has no interest in being in. We are trying to plan outings around dinner to avoid eating out. Not only am I still on my weight loss journey, but too much take out is just never a good thing. We get up and out earlier on weekends when we are all more rested, and places are less crowded. We also make shorter trips more often, instead of trying to do everything in one go. It means I must really keep on top of my lists and it’s a bit more inconvenient, but it’s making the over all experience much better for everyone. I can also take each child separately and tackle their shopping lists too, while spending a little one-on-one time with each of them.

What are some of your tips for getting ready for the holidays?

More about ADHD

Here is a fantastic episode from CBC's "The Nature of Things" with David Suzuki. It's primarily about Adult ADHD but explains what ADHD is, discusses the impact of ADHD and treatments such as therapy, medication, life coaching and new methods for creating neurons (much like what our son did through the Arrowsmith).

It's a lengthy watch but if you are interested in learning about ADHD, or are just curious about the condition, then it's well worth it. Our son sees Dr. Hoffer for treatment so it was interesting to see him as one of the featured Dr.s being interviewed for this episode!!

Click HERE to watch the video.

What is ADHD?

I had an interesting conversation with a dear friend’s mother the other day about ADHD and I realized that there is still a lot of mystery about ADHD, what it is and how it is diagnosed. It seems like all you hear about is ADHD and everyone is getting diagnosed with ADHD. Is ADHD just an excuse for bad parenting? Are we just letting our kids run amok and then labelling them as ADHD? Maybe.

**I should note at this point that I am NOT a medical professional and any opinions voiced in this blog are just that, my opinions. I have no medical training and base my knowledge on my own research and our family’s experiences. If you question whether your own child has ADHD, you should seek medical advice from your GP or pediatrician.**

I too, read articles titled “14 Signs of ADHD” and think that these just sound like busy children. Then I reflect on our own experience. It’s hard to explain other than parental instinct. But you watch your child, among their peers, and there is something different. You child is louder, busier, angrier, whinier, messier, more forgetful, more destructive, more energetic, sillier than the others. All. The. Time. It may be subtle, but the inkling is there. Our son was not diagnosed until grade 4 so he was still only 8 years old. We knew that our son was having difficulty academically. His learning disabilities were the focus of everyone’s energies. However, his ADHD was also getting in the way of his progress.

I also hear arguments about how the school environment is not conducive to children’s natural personalities and therefore we just label kids as having ADHD. I tend to agree somewhat. I think early childhood education is too restrictive, classrooms are too big and that 3 and 4-year old’s do not need to be in institutional care 5 days a week. In Ontario we run play based kindergarten programs. Unfortunately, we also have class sizes of up to 30 children in rooms designed for 20, utilizing a program that was designed for class sizes of 18. So, while I do have some exceptions to the educational system and gaps in teacher training in general, most children can adapt. Perhaps not willingly, but most kids tend to settle into routine and begin to flourish in our education system such as it is. Our son did not. In fact, he got worse. His emotional outbursts were getting him teased and bullied at school, he couldn’t read, he couldn’t remember how to write his last name. When tested, his reading and writing were immeasurable, and he couldn’t follow 2 step instructions without forgetting at least one of the steps if not both of them.

ADHD does not just speak about busy, rough and tumble children. Or the day-dreamy child who must be called back to the task at hand. It’s when the rough and tumble, busy, day dreaming starts to get in the way. It gets in the way of friends. It gets in the way at home. It gets in the way at school. It’s after using calendars and routines and check lists and they still forget to brush their teeth AND get their P.J.s on. It’s after losing endless numbers of hats and mitts and scarves (not just one or two sets but literally a set a week). It’s after getting another phone call home about being hands on at school again. It’s about hearing the announcement for sports try outs in the morning but forgetting to go at lunch. It’s about getting so frustrated that everything is so hard everyday that you can do nothing else but meltdown and hide behind the bushes on the school yard.

This is ADHD.

Stop worrying about what's next

Um...pardon? How can I NOT worry about what's next? I'm ALWAYS worried about what's next. It feels like a constant hamster wheel going around and around trying to supplement our son's areas of need in order to "prepare" him for what's next. Yet in our hyper vigilance, we sometimes forget to explore and rejoice in his strengths right now. Our son is a brilliant story teller. He is an extraordinary engineer and game creator. He is constantly making up games and downloading game boards to go along with them. He creates videos and posts them and is creating quite the following. We sometimes forget that these skills will take him far in life. That he has created coping mechanisms to get through the daily grind in an environment not suited to his needs, is an incredible ability. I would never condescend him by saying his learning disabilities are gifts. They are not. They are challenges that he contends with every minute of every day of his life. However, his type of brain that grows creativity, enables problem solving and enlists critical thinking IS a gift. This gift will carry him and help him when things get rough. This gift will bring solace and escape on dark days. This gift will prepare him for what is to come. Some days we have to pause and reflect and breath. He may not go unscathed, but he will be O.K.

Here is a great article I found on focusing on strengths when creating IEPs. Click HERE to read more.

Looking at the Bigger Picture

Our son has Dyslexia and Dysgraphia. However, we don’t call it that where I live. We refer to his learning disabilities as Learning Disability: Communication. This label is completely deceiving. Our son has NO problems communicating. He does however, have a lot of trouble reading and writing. With writing it is beyond the physical act, however, it’s also part of it. Simply learning how to maneuver on a keyboard won’t help him. He needs to think about every sound, for letter in every word for every sentence. Imagine the exhaustion after writing one sentence never mind a paragraph. Although our son is now functionally literate, I doubt that he will ever read John Grisham or Stephen King for pleasure. However, he might listen to them. Our son will most likely remain a comic book fan for his entire life. He likes the story lines (and trust me, there is nothing simplistic about Marvel’s Multi-Universe), and he can read these independently. Our son’s comprehension is pretty much through the roof. However, no one seems to want to take advantage of this. So, when I see modifications on his IEP, it is usually around reducing the amount of reading or writing our son is expected to produce. So, if an average student in his grade is expected to write a page, he might be expected to write a paragraph. Why can’t he dictate and still be expected to produce a page? Why isn’t our son provided with audio books to listen to and then he can dictate answers to comprehension questions into his computer? My question is this: what are we trying to accomplish with modifications to the curriculum? The IEP is supposed to establish multiple access points to the curriculum. It is supposed to provide equity. I’m not sure that this is happening. This year, more so than others, it’s just not sitting well with me.